


Everyone has a Weird Uncle

by shipskicksandgiggles



Series: Jaime's Parkner week 20biteen [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Food Fights, Found Family, Harley never met Tony, Idealistic Avengers, M/M, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Iron Man 3 Compliant, all fluff, cuteness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-07-29 03:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20075119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shipskicksandgiggles/pseuds/shipskicksandgiggles
Summary: "Because dinner with Aunt May turned into dinner with Aunt May and Peter’s boss/mentor. And his boss/mentors friends. Who were the superheroes. ‘Meet the Parents’ literally turned into ‘Meet the Avengers’ which… alright, sure. Why not?"Meet the Parents gone wrong





	Everyone has a Weird Uncle

**Author's Note:**

> day 4 is here! very fluffy comedy because I had to
> 
> prompt: first kiss // family // "His shield is ze size of a dinner plate" vine

‘Meet the Parents’ was supposedly a very pivotal step in a relationship, along with first kisses, saying I love you, etc. They had decided on taking their relationship slow, in case they didn’t work out, so they hadn’t actually crossed any of those lines yet, but Peter still wanted Harley to meet his family. So he was going to have dinner with Peter and his Aunt May. 

Until, of course, he wasn’t. 

Because dinner with Aunt May turned into dinner with Aunt May and Peter’s boss/mentor. And his boss/mentors friends. Who were the superheroes. ‘Meet the Parents’ literally turned into ‘Meet the Avengers’ which… alright, sure. Why not? 

Before Harley had met them, Thor had been his favorite because he’s, well,  _ Thor _ . Now that he’s actually had a conversation with the god, he still likes him, but honestly, Sam Wilson is fucking  _ hilarious _ , if a lot to deal with. 

“So the dude would just jump out of an airplane! No ‘chute! I swear that damn serum took all his brain cells away because it’s absolute nonsense!” he said, regaling Harley with all the stories of Steve Rogers apparently stupidity. 

“Oh that’s not new, Flyboy. He was doin’ that in the ‘40s with the Howlies,” James Barnes, the goddamn  _ Winter Soldier _ , chimed in. “You have no idea how relieved I was when he gave you that shield.”

“Because I’m better than him?”

“No. Because you can jump out a plane and you have fuckin’  _ wings _ . No one has to worry about you falling to your death if you can fly.” Sam laughed and cuffed him over the head. Steve glared at them both, but there wasn’t much heat in it. 

It was all so normal, it was almost painful for Harley to be there. There were legends in the room, and they all just made fun of each other like they were siblings. 

Peter had disappeared at some point, leaving Harley in the midst of all the chaos, which is to say, the living room. Bruce Banner was the most chill of all of them, and Harley had been interested in his work since he was 9 and got bored of his chemistry kit. He’d begun the night by asking the man about some alien chemicals that Thor had brought back once from one of the Nine Realms until Thor had come to fetch him for something, and eventually Harley found himself sitting on the couch with multiple super soldiers discussing shoddy battle tactics. 

He glanced around the rest of the room and saw Peter’s aunt talking to Pepper Potts and Natasha Romanoff (seriously, Harley was terrified. Their combined power could probably level the city, if not the planet). There was also Clint Barton sitting upside down in an armchair, sleeping.

Life was weird.

~~~

Peter walked back into the room and immediately realized he probably should have warned his boyfriend. Most people didn’t take too well to being ambushed by a normal family, let alone Peter’s version of a family. He’d watched Harley immediately gravitate towards Bruce when they’d arrived, so he wasn’t too worried. Tony probably needed help in the kitchen anyways. He would be fine alone. 

In retrospect, he hadn’t really expected Sam to ambush him. Harley look entirely overwhelmed sitting between him and Bucky. He walked around the room until he could catch his eye. “You okay?” he mouthed. 

Harley shook his head subly and Peter waved him over. Harley excused himself quietly, but the only one who acknowledged was Steve, who was now trying to break up an argument about something probably insignificant.

“I should have warned you. They can be a lot to handle.”

“Darlin’, any family is a lot to handle. This is,” he waved his hand, “more.”

“More?” Peter teased. “Nothing else, just ‘more’?”

“How else do you explain your boyfriend’s family being some of the most famous people on the planet?”

Peter winced. He definitely deserved that. “I kinda forget that it’s not normal sometimes, I guess.”

Harley let out a snort. “Next thing you’re gonna be tellin’ me is that Tony Stark is in the kitchen cooking, and you’re like, Spider-Man or some shit.” 

_ Well shit _ , Peter thought. 

Just then, Tony walked out of the kitchen, pan of lasagna in hand. “Mama’s recipe, kiddos, come and get it.”

Harley watched him set it down on the table and slowed swiveled to look at Peter. “If you’re Spider-Man, I am going to seriously consider dumping your ass, right here and now.”

_ Well SHIT _ . 

The dinner itself was actually going fairly well. Peter had told them to be more civil, but the fact they had actually listened was a feat in and of itself. Once everyone had eaten their fill, they sat around the table talking. Harley was getting a lot more comfortable around them, which was promising. Peter wasn’t holding is breath though. Chaos could still break out all to easily.

Obviously when it did, it was all Harley’s fault. Go figure. Because he just  _ had _ to turn to Tony and ask, “So, how did you take down Captain America?”

Sam grinned and made eye contact with Bucky.  _ Oh no _ . “Well,” Bucky started, bringing out the remainder of his Russian accent from his time with Hydra, “ve shot him in ze legs-”

“-because his shield is ze size of a dinner plate and he is an idiot,” Sam finished with his very bad imitation Russian accent. 

“Hey Steve?” Tony’s grin gleamed with mischief. “Do you think you could actually use a plate as a shield?”  _ Oh No _ .

Steve shugged. “Yeah probably. Couldn’t throw it, but it would get the job done.”

Bruce and May had already ducked underneath the table. Harley was watching with absolute pure glee. “Can we try?” he asked.

“Harley please think about what you’re asking for right now,” Peter warned. Pepper got up and left, presumably already dealing with damage control.

He was ignored in favor of Thor yelling “Food fight!” and there was no way of going back now. Pieces of lettuce from the salad started flying at Steve, who picked up his empty plate and started blocking. The salad pieces were followed by leftover pieces of lasagna, because apparently Tony made a lot of extra, and the extra garlic bread. 

Peter did the only reasonable thing left available: he snapped on a web shooter and got the fuck out of there, Harley in tow. They alighted on a window sill, high above the growing mess of Sam, Bucky, Tony, Thor, and  _ Nat _ of all people throwing food at Steve.

“Oh my fucking God, you’re actually Spider-Man.”

Ah yes. He’d almost forgotten. 

“Listen, Harles, I get it if you want to break up with me,” Peter sighed. All he wanted to do was go home. “I’ve lied to you about a lot of stuff, but I promise it was all for a good reason.”

“What the fuck is my life?” Harley started giggling. “My absolutely gorgeous, genius boyfriend is Spider-Man. You call both Captain Americas ‘Uncle’.” By now he was wheezing. “I had to sit through dinner, sitting between you and Natasha Romanoff.” 

“Harley-”

“No, Peter, sweetheart. You don’t get it,” he cut Peter off and gave him a glare that MJ would be proud of. 

He flinched at the severity of his tone. Harley softened. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but you hafta look at this from where I’m sitting.” He gestured around them. “This is crazy to me. All of it. But it’s a part of you, and that overrides everything because I’m batshit crazy for you too.” He looked down at the floor. 

“This is my family, Harles,” Peter said. “I love them to death, and I have a feeling they would love you if you’d stick around.” He looked up at him, from under his lashes. “Please? For me?”

“I think you missed the part about crazy I am for you.” He ducked his head down to meet the smaller boy’s eye. “You’re stuck with me.”

Then just like that, he pressed their lips together for a brief moment, the first of many, only to pull away and bring Peter into a hug, content to sit and watch the commotion below.

Afterall, there would be time for more kisses later.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at [parallelparkner](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/parallelparkner/)


End file.
